Monday, October 30, 2006

Definitions

to ebb

1. intr. To flow back or recede, as the water of the sea or a tidal river: frequent in phrase, to ebb and flow.

2. b. transf. Of a ship: To sink with the tide. Of water: To sink lower. Of blood: To flow away.

3. 2. fig. To take a backward or downward course; to decay, decline; to fade or waste away

to flow

I. To glide along as a stream.
1. a. intr. Of fluids, a stream, etc.: To move on a gently inclined surface with a continual change of place among the particles or parts; to move along in a current; to stream, run; to spread over (a surface)
b. Opposed to ‘stand’
c.Of the blood or other animal fluids: To pass along the vessels of the body; to circulate.
d. With advbs. to flow over = to overflow.
e. quasi-trans. Of a river: To carry down (water) in its current.


2. a. To become liquid; to stream down, melt

I like definitions. Sometimes I like them because my immigrant ass truly needs them. But other times it's interesting to check the nuance of meanings. I knew what these words meant. But currently, it’s fascinating to realize certain submeanings. That the word ebb also is about sinking, that related to blood it means to flow away; also it has the idea of a downward decaying course, of fading and of wasting. And that flow also is about spreading over a surface (to me, that means thinning), sustained change (to me, that means exhausting), the opposite of standing (to me, that means instability) and that it can mean to circulate (around in circles?), or to overflow (runneth over). And a great one: to melt.

Fight or flight. I feel like I should run home to Cape Verde rather than be stuck in this version of my life. Sometimes. Especially on Mondays. Other times I feel like that would be cowardice. Then I play Madonna’s Jump and dance around my living room and I feel this breath of possible power just cresting but then I just fizzle. I’m fucking exhausted. In part cause I was dancing to Madonna’s Jump for 20 minutes (replay replay replay) but in part because I’m exhausted and I don’t want to feel this anymore.