Lately I am moody with my grown up thoughts

My son was talking to his father on the phone. His father was on
speaker...They were talking about shopping for winter clothes on
Friday. About looking good and funny things like that. His father said something about "being
fly". It wasn't serious. Then I heard my son saying something that if
it had not been followed by much more I would not have believed.

My son opens up to me easily but not to his father. The immensity of
their love and the strength of their bond seems untouched by that
distance and incapable of bridging it either. He idolizes and fears his father's disaproval in one smooth
emotion. He suffers from his father's immaturity and forgives it in
the same moment. I am very familiar with having that special resident
in your heart. It's not the love hate at that tender age so much, it's the
love hurt. He doesn't say confrontational things to him ever. But yet
I heard him say this:

You think we're both fly but I know that I am fly but I don't know why
you think you're fly.

I can't imagine what his father would say to that, I couldn't tell
from his mumbling. Then my son asked:

Well on a scale of 1 to 10, how mad would you be if I told you I
didn't think you were fly?

Three times his father asked him to repeat and clarify--a measure I
appreciated as I too could not believe my ears even while I typed on
my laptop all the little words... Three times my son enunciated this
question: on. a. scale. of. one. to. ten...

I am not sure what was said after that. But then my son moved on:

I think you think you're fly but I don't know why you think that
because your dad he quit being a dad and so you're not really fly but
you think you are. Me, I know I am. But you that's what happpened to
you.

All the "you"'s and all the "me"'s were very pronounced.
His father, after a long pause said,

So that's what you think, huh? That's interesting...

My son said quickly said:

No, that's what I think you think, what I think happened to you.

His father paused and mumbled again and said something about what a grown kid he was, then repeated
the words, what you think happened to me. And quickly wrapped up the
conversation in the usual loving manner that they do it.

I did wish at that time that he and I were in better
terms, speaking-wise, because no matter what, I know this was difficult.
And no matter what he allows himself to even contemplate, I know he is shocked by it and in normal
times we would debrief it together. As things are, he had it coming and these are not normal times.
He got his ass proverbially handed to him by our seven year old and I can't really be there for him.
These are not normal times at all.

My son came back to me a bit after the call and I asked him what that was all about and he
said--I know I have this right because I typed as he spoke:

Whats his dad's name again? Yeah him, well he quit being Papa's dad
and because his dad quit being his dad on him and wasn't fly so if
Papa thinks he's fly how could he think he was fly? He thinks he is
fly as a dad but he's not cause how could he know how to be? He thinks
he is but he's not . But me I am fly. I know that I am and the reason
that I am is because I am nice I am honest and do things right. And
that is really true, you know? I am honest and do things right.


I didn't really know what to say to him after that which was
okay because he quickly followed with:

And YOU, I have a very hard question for you, which I really hope you
can answer.

(I swallowed very hard and I braced myself for something painful, then I heard this, as if seemingly completely related):

If cats hate water so much, how come they drink it?