Coming Unhinged

My colleague Tina, who I would like to describe as a Lady Par Excellence (think of that as you will), was part of a conversation many of us were having about marriage. The others were married, I was the separated one, and we were talking about fights and conflict. And everyone was offerring anecdotes. T's anecdotes were brilliant because they were straight out of a black version of "War of the Roses" or something. Her argumentation tactics had flair, they had angles and personality. They went beyond all of our meager attempts to control our respective mates. Her shit worked--it was, well, it was hardcore. Brilliantly so. That the words were coming from an irreproachably groomed and poised woman only made the thing sweeter to hear. Here's a paraphrasing of my favorite anecdote from her.

"Like that time I took the doors off the hinges? "
Congregation responds in unison: THE TIME YOU DID WHAT?
"Yeah... Well we were arguing and it was getting all heated and you know he is all about toning it down and not liking cursing and loudness and whatever. And so you know he said he didn't want to continue the conversation. Was not going to. Was like T, you know I'm not talking anymore. So he went into the room and closed the door. On me, while I was talking. So the next day I went to the super Mr. Robinson and was like, can you please come here and take my bedroom door off the hinges and put it in the basement until I tell you bring it back? Thank you. And I did, I had the door taken out and when he got home I told him. I said, you DO NOT close the door on me when I am speaking to you."

I don't know what that's called, that quality, and I know it is often lampooned as a black woman predisposition but it's not as widespread as the stereotype suggests, nor is T the stereoptype in that sense of the angry black woman--though we joke about it a lot at work, she and I. There is though, in women like T, a real genius to behold. And like genius, it's not always on point, sometimes it's off and sometimes it's bad. But it is genius. She took the door off the hinges to inject the oft uttered phrase "dont you close that door on me!" with real weight and consequence. She exhibited a complete independence from the status quo expectations about what a woman can and cannot do--one simply does not unhinge doors, you know? But why not--if really that is what she felt was needed to do? That's liberating. In her liberation she changed the whole landscape: don't just say shit that don't mean shit. Having uttered many myself, I can tell you that nothing's more pathetic than a woman's ultimatum when it turns out to not be... an ultimatum. So to me T is some kind of superhero in many respects.